It’s such a mystery! Democrats, progressives, and journalists—often the same people—just can’t figure out how a stash of cocaine made its way into the White House. For days they couldn’t even make up their minds where, exactly, it was discovered.
First it was the White House Library. Oh, but wait, the Library’s in the East Wing, the First Family’s residence. So no, not there. Then the ever-resourceful Karine Jean-Pierre came up with a better story: the blow was found in a locker in the West Wing lobby, where tour visitors can leave such things as cell phones. Get it? Anybody could have brought the coke in! But uh-uh—KJP was shining us on, it seems. In-the-know sources have told NBC News that the stuff was actually found one floor below the West Wing office area, near the West Executive entrance foyer and not far from the Situation Room. This entrance is routinely used by official visitors: the vice president, cabinet officers, etc.
Donald Trump, of course, claims to have cracked the case. “Does anybody really believe that the COCAINE found in the West Wing of the White House, very close to the Oval Office, is for the use of anyone other than Hunter & Joe Biden,” he asked, no doubt rhetorically, on Truth Social.
Now I don’t know about his father but when it comes to Hunter Biden, anything’s possible. Yes, sure, he’s supposed to be over his drug addiction, but you know how that sometimes goes. On the other hand, as former Trump press secretary Kayleigh McEnany noted, Hunter left for Camp David on the Friday before Independence Day. So if the blow belonged to him, it would have to have been sitting there for three days before being discovered—which is “inconceivable” in McEnany’s opinion.
This is the Biden White House, however—inconceivable’s DC pied-à-terre, so to speak. It’s inconceivable to me and lots of other people that the man behind the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office is a feeble octogenarian who’s losing his marbles, inconceivable that on the strength of a garbage Ed.D. degree the First Lady runs around pretending to be a doctor, inconceivable that kindly old Grandpa Joe has a granddaughter he doesn’t want to know, inconceivable that Bidenomics can build the economy from the middle out, inconceivable that Joe’s Afghanistan skedaddle was really The Greatest Airlift in History, inconceivable that—oh, never mind!
Thus when I say to myself, Tom, it’s inconceivable that Hunter Biden has been snorting cock in the White House, right under his father’s, ahem, nose, who am I kidding? The stuff was there, wasn’t it? And Hunter Biden’s the likeliest suspect, isn’t he? Yes and yes. Sure, Kayleigh McEnany may be right. But if she is, then the culprit is probably some member of the Biden Administration. Not a comforting thought, though if Secretary of State Anthony Blinken’s been hoovering up the nose candy, that would explain American foreign policy’s sad state of disarray.
My favorite t-shirt is emblazoned with a quote from Sherlock Holmes via Arthur Conan Doyle: “Life is infinitely stranger than anything which the mind of man could invent.” (“A Case of Identity”). How right they were—and how hard Joe Biden & Co. are working to remind us how right they were!